Smart Mouths Podcast

U.S. History Trivia: Before a crew of homicidal dickshits turned September 11th into a national day of mourning, it was actually known as St. Matthew the Smartass Day. At least in California. Well, Southern California. Okay more like to us only but nevertheless.

It’s difficult to encapsulate Matt in words. One would assume that, the better you know him, the easier it gets. Allow me to shatter this illusion now: in point of fact, the better you know him, the harder it gets. Pun intended.

For in actuality, the only thing that could even come close to describing Matt is a pomegranate martini – fun, fruity and highly intoxicating. Consume with caution.

Still, some of his truths are so incontrovertible, even the Jews and the Palestinians would put down the pipe bombs long enough to agree. He’s brilliantly hilarious. Quick-witted. Pithy. Disarming. Easygoing. So destructively lovable he could convert Hugo Chavez into a squealing fangirl. Many days I seriously consider just airlifting his ass into the Afghan mountains and simply tranquilizing our enemies into submissiveness with his charisma. Talk about a weapon of mass destruction. Matt Britton > Anthrax.

That being said, he’s also a whole host of other things, many of which aren’t as obvious unless you’ve spent a grotesquely inordinate amount of time with him. (For the record, avoid this at all costs.) For instance, in reality, he’s as modest as they come – something he doesn’t even realize, which in itself is both case and point. Take it from me, though: it’s like at some point in his sleep, the Humble Fairy slapped him around and made him her bitch.

And he’s talented; so talented that I’m frankly just buying my time until he becomes famous and I can ride his coattails to the top. And he’s a good enough friend that even though I’m joking about that, he would let me. He’s an incredible listener, and at heart, a world class gentleman… when he isn’t viciously capitalizing on certain Disney-themed fears, that is. And I’d be hard-pressed to name anybody I consider to be more trustworthy than Matt. Not only because he keeps your secrets, but because he fails to judge them.

Which, at last, bring us to this: he is one of the most open-minded people you could ever hope to know. And that doesn’t just translate into “he’s liberal,” as it does for many people. No, he is the rare person who applies his tolerance consistently, and that means extending it even to those with whom he disagrees. Whether you’re black or white, gay or straight, Democrat or Republican, religious or atheist, he meets you and your values with deference. Of all the reasons he is a phenomenal friend, this is the first. Of all the qualities that make him admirable, this is the most unique and heartening. That, and his Mel Gibson impressions.

It is with this in mind that today, the 11th of September in the 2010th year of our Lord, we celebrate the great occasion of his birth. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Britton, for practicing unprotected sex. May your fine example be adopted by the masses, for if every couple could produce one such as Matt, the world would be a funnier, more genuine albeit vastly more unhinged place.

Happy birthday, dear! We love you!

After we read Suzanne Collins’ final book in the Hunger Games Series, Mockingjay, we sat down to give you our thoughts on the book and really the series as a whole. Join Elysa, Matt, Greg and Penny for this awesome book club discussion.

-SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t read the book and don’t want to be spoiled, don’t listen!
-What were we anticipating from this book? How do we rate the books?
-The deaths….we jumped straight into that. We were especially broken up about one character’s death and as you’ll see we never really got over that throughout the episode.
-In our opinion, there was something in the book that was worse than death.
-As much as we loved the book, we thought it disappointed in some ways.
-But it also lived up to our expectations in many ways.
-We took some Twitter comments from all of you guys.

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. Download a free audiobook of your choice today at http://audiblepodcast.com/smartmouths

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We’re here. We’re queer. And we’re gonna podcast, dammit. We’ve managed to pull ourselves together for another excellent and informing episode of Smart Mouths. Join Andrew, Elysa, Greg, Micah and Penny for this latest installment of one of your favorite fortnightly podcasts.

In this episode:
-We got Mockingjay! But at the time of recording only one of us had finished it so we didn’t discuss it all. (Ergo, no spoilers here).
-But Elysa and Penny are an awesome lesbian couple with cute kids.
-Speaking of gay…what’s the Prop 8 status THIS week?
-Andrew and Greg get their geek on and compare 4Square to Facebook Places.
-In less great “place” news we talk about the flooding in Pakistan
-And we get pretty vocal about the Stem Cell Research halt.
-We play a new game and decide who is worthy of becoming a US Citizen….most people aren’t, and Elysa goes too easy on the Canadian.
-Also our listeners are generally unreliable (Kidding…love you all!)
-And happily, Micah is back with the WTF news. Fret not, the world is still pretty messed up.
-Finaly, Penny makes a shocking end of show recommendation.

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. Download a free audiobook of your choice today at http://audiblepodcast.com/smartmouths

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Andrew here. I don’t appear in this episode, but I just HAD to have a hand in its release because it is Episode **69**. The funniest two digit number in the whole wide world. Below are some shownotes provided by expert 69-er Laura Thompson:

- It’s a double rainbow this week with Prop 8 and Elton John!
- Laura and Elysa announce their marriage, and you’re invited!
- Dr. Laura gives us the most material to work with since Mel Gibson.
- Greg shares some info on ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’.
- We deal with bitching over going fortnightly.
- Listener Brittany sheds some light on religious extremism.
- Fun segment: Kid or Drunk?….
- …it includes both inflatable and vibrating objects.

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. Download a free audiobook of your choice today at http://audiblepodcast.com/smartmouths

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Today, we celebrate the birth of the legendary anchorman, Micah Tannenbaum. Born in the year of our lord, (19XX) Micah has always been an invaluable member of our podcasting team. From our days of dabbling in satanic witchcraft to these current days of dabbling in being assholes, he has always been there to tell it like it is and “give it to us”.

Unfortunately for poor Micah, he is oftentimes subjected to the poor manners and vulgar exploits of his fellow co-hosts. He has been kind enough all these years to shake his head rather than giving us all the “FUCK YOU” we so richly deserve.

On behalf of Smart Mouths, I would like to wish Mr. Tannenbaum a HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! I’m sure our listeners agree when I say this show would not be the same without the tales of Darwin award winners, genitalia and the occasional farm animal getting caught up with the wrong crowd.

Now, bitches, leave your appreciation in the comments below.

Welcome back for the latest episode of the quality news and entertainment showgram we call Smart Mouths. Join Andrew, Elysa, Greg, Matt and Micah for an extraordinarily wonderful and tame (READ: they made editing easy for me this week) show this week.

In this episode:
-Announcement about the show’s regularity (and no we’re not talking about taking fiber here).
-In related news, What does fortnight mean? Here’s a definition.
-Wikileaks lived up to its name and to quote Elysa, “Sh*t aint right.”
-The ICC finally grew a pair and issued an arrest warrant for Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir on the grounds of genocide. Problem is that Chad is being the wussy weird kid he always was. Dammit, Chad.
-Shirley Sherrod vs. Andrew Breitbart. Point, Sherrod.
-Greg has done our forefathers proud by fulfilling a civic obligation.
-Idol Chatter: this group thinks the show is done for. See ya on X Factor.
-Anne Rice quits Christianity. If it were only that easy, Anne.
-Backwashes all focus on the news last week about the Mosque being built at ground zero.
-Micah and the kids are back with WTF News (yayyyyyy!).

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. Download a free audiobook of your choice today at http://audiblepodcast.com/smartmouths

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¡Buenas tardes, carepichas!

Es un placer estar aqui con ustedes otra vez. Pero… tenemos un problema… Según mis estimados cohortes, ya no hablo el inglés. Afortunadamente, yo pude recordar un *poco* de mi primer idioma para escribir el resumen del show.

- Laura is back from Costa Rica!

- The explanation for the missing episode 67.

- Matt makes big plans to seek a career in professional title reading.

- BP continues to destroy the planet…

-…but who cares, ’cause Mel Gibson is insane!

- We review the highly anticipated film ‘Inception’.

- Andrew gives us his review of ComicCon 2010.

- We bring back the lovin’ with Screw, Marry, Kill.

- Aaaaand the longest outro we’ve ever done.

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. Download a free audiobook of your choice today at http://audiblepodcast.com/smartmouths

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Hey everyone! We’re happy to say that the issues we’ve been having with our Paypal account have been fixed and we will be shipping out the tshirts over the next week.

We do have this request though.

IF you are planning on attending INFINITUS 2010, and you ordered a t-shirt (and haven’t received it), please let us know ASAP, and we will bring it to you in Orlando. Once again, let us know as soon as possible so we don’t ship it to you.

Thanks for your patience, you’re all amazing.

ZOMG it’s a new episode of Smart Mouths!!!! Hard to believe! Boy have we got a JAM PACKED show for you today. Join Andrew, Elysa, Greg, Penny and special guest host, John Thrasher as we talk about the latest in news, politics, sports, pop culture…you name it.

In this episode:

-Welcome to John who is a candidate in MTV’s first ever TJ Job Search!
-Elysa and Penny review the Adam Lambert concert. Surprisingly, Elysa is still breathing…barely.
-McChrystal is out, Petraeus is in. We have mixed feelings about this situation.
-Australia’s first female Prime Minister takes office. We try to talk about this without sounding completely clueless, we hope we’ve done ok.
-More World Cup news. Referees once again looking bad.
-MJ’s death anniversary. Where were you when you heard? RIP, Farrah Faucett.
-Rumor has it that Google will launch a competitor for Facebook.
-Senator Robert Byrd of WV died. John feels VERY strongly about this.
-Andrew reviews iPhone 4!
-Backwash is random but interesting.
-Dr. Smart Mouths is here for the second week in a row (NOTE: this means you probably won’t hear from the good Doc for a while after this…).

Remember, you can find out about the MTV TJ Search on the official website but you can also LIKE the MTV Zync page on Facebook. Most importantly, friend John on Facebook and follow him on Twitter. Remember, if you do all this you can earn bragging rights to say “I KNEW HIM WHEN….”!

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